Just like a normal relationship, we had happy and bad memories together, but both I won’t bring to my next journey. I will leave them for you to have something to go back every time you miss me. I won’t be back for a while, or maybe for good. But, if ever I’ll come back one thing is for sure, it’s not for you– anymore.
We both had enough of bad memories. And every time we try to create a happy one, what you did keeps to knock me off. I lost my grip and therefore, you lost me.
I want to forgive you but forgive me first for I won’t be there anymore every time you feel that no one loves you. I do. And will always love you. I have so much to ask for your forgiveness especially the promise of not leaving you, but I have to before I lose myself for loving you.
I’m sorry for giving my advance “I do.” For daydreaming our home and will-never-be-born-children. I’m sorry for I will not be in your future anymore; to tease you when you have your first white hair, or when you have your permanent denture. (I still remember when my hands hurt from your firm grip because you had a tooth extraction. We both burst into laughter when we got out of the dentist’s clinic after three hours! The dentist was scared, and he thought he needs to do surgery!) Or when you come home after a long day from work and I will greet you with a hug and kisses. Or when I will wake up in your arms, or when you are in your death bed.
I’m sorry, but I will leave all our memories with you. Keep it and don’t forget me, ever.
I have to learn to exist without you now. It’ll take longer to be on my own and honestly, I’m scared to go on a journey without you– my safe zone from all the bad things in this world; from the darkness that devours me day and night. But don’t worry much for me. I have God. I took risks for you and even surpassed the sky as the limit. I should do the same for me, right?
I hope we have become the better version of ourselves when our paths crossed again. I hope to see you happy and contented with or without her.
You are more than enough. You are loved (by me and God) and you are in my prayers, always.
Please, stay alive.
To check out more of Helena’s work, go here.
Want to submit something? Just go here.