Worst Sentence Challenge Order Received:
Matt Snyder: “Ewe said bah to, hell with sheep; shearing last I heard?”
Unknown: “I written good my entirely: life, “so” dont tell me perhaps , I knew more than I, not you or any one!”
Note: Above is what I culled from Matt of what someone wrote to him. The author is unknown. This is, hands down, one of the worst things I’ve read in my life that wasn’t ironic.
chris ludke: Because of the broken glass all over the ground, but not only the glass, also the horrible smell of the meth lab and the scary dog that could pull his stake out of the ground the way he charges at you, but not only the glass, the smell, the dog, it’s also the riots in the streets every night with terrorists throwing Molotov cocktails into stores an looting them, but not only the glass, the smell, the dog, the riots with terrorists but also the cops arresting people and tear gassing the peaceful people along with the terrorists, but not only the glass, the smell, the dog, the terrorists, the cops, the teargas, also, the weather is stopping me from going out in the heat and humidity, and all those things things are really making the situation go straight to hell downtown, so I had to start ordering my Molly straight from India online and it should arrive tomorrow, then everything will be ok for a few hours.
The Conductor: ‘Thanks the masterpiece construct men, for the pothole I fell in down through outside the Sydney Opera?”
The Magpie Fancier: “She walked quickly up the stairs her amber hued orbs carefully outlined with liquid eyeliner and a bit of mascara looking around as she flicked back her long golden hair as she straightened her blue minidress with the white lacing around the edges, she waved at one of her friends as she went upstairs I’m going upstairs” she said.
Carboniferous Fern: “he looked through a mirror leaning on his bedroom wall, he was positive he isn’t going to make the cut at the interview and the weather had rained so gloriously he was, so sure he needs an umbrella except the umbrella was wet and not dry.”
Satyen: All that comes to my mind are the Jack Sparrow’s gibberish dialogues from pirates. They are wonderful but not written by me:
Sample-‘No. If we don’t have the key, we can’t open whatever we don’t have that it unlocks. So what purpose would be served in finding whatever need be unlocked, which we don’t have, without first having found the key what unlocks it?’
penny-j: He wasn’t sure which way to go, so he asked the man who didn’t know neither and it was January the 5th of November and tge streets were crowded in the summer heat, he could feel the sweat under his brow and decided to take the path on the way back home where he didn’t have anywhere to live anyway.
Nehal Writes: When we were warriors, we would want whatever we wish we wanted, we would weild whatever weapon we wanted, we would wear whatever we wished we wore, we would walk wherever we wished we walked, when we were warriors, we wouldn’t want what we will.
Morgan: Now, since my thoughts are flying in a rather confusing array of directions, at least at the present moment, I thought I would preface this post with the aforementioned disclaimer before I end up lost somewhere in the wilds of Uzbekistan with you sitting there with that particularly enchanting, though perhaps somewhat frustrating (at least for you) puzzled expression on your face that most people end up having when they sit down and read one of my whirling posts, most particularly on night’s such as this when the words are flowing faster than I can logically keep up with, though often, depending upon the moon’s cycle or how much chocolate and/or caffeine I may have had before sitting down to begin writing, it can be a rather bewildering experience; whereat, being the kindhearted soul that I am, and never wishing to intentionally lead someone into a grammatical quagmire, as I am for all intents and purposes a good soul ( though you and I both know that even good souls have halo’s that glow neon red now and again) I generally tend to use this moment of perplexity to point out that I did warn you, my dearest readers, very early on in our relationship (that being the early days of BnV) that I do have the most annoying (or potentially amusing, dependant once again upon the aforementioned phase of the moon or how much chocolate or caffeine You’ve ingested before beginning to read) predilection to run off on wild tangents of verbosity that would make even Charles Dickens’s head ache, but let that go.
The WheatandTares: Your going to have to pick up you’re study book if their going to make it to they’re class on time, to take that test we’re the teacher talks about how were going to get all those corn stalks out of the hay field: that where going to cook up for this dinner next week when the too boys promised to take the pie two grandmas house and not maybe eat a piece on the way to but first you better study four that test before you go too class tomorrow; even still those boys might just chow down on that there desert before we are able to cook the corn at a descent our before hour dad comes home today.
Nehal Writes: When my mom came to wake me up this morning for school, I was already trying to wake myself up but a few seconds ago I had realised that my mom would come and wake me up, so eventually I had gotten tired of trying to wake myself up so I had stopped trying to wake myself up, so when my mum tried to wake me up, I was back into a big sleep and she was uanble to wake me up so my mom got tired of trying to wake me up so she went away which meant that I was left to try to wake myself up again, but my sleepy brain wouldn’t allow me to try to try to wake myself up so instead of trying to try to wake myself up I decided it was best to just lie there, sleep and try to not to try to try to wake myself up because it would lead me to nowhere and the worst that could happen would that I would miss the school and be rewarded an egg in my maths test and since I am a pure vegetarian, it would be of no use, and this made me think how it would feel like to be rewarded a Pi in maths test as at least I would able to eat it and this delicious thought made me wake myself up.
EDC Writing/Believing Sight Unseen: Like wot not got write rot
Max: Space boats screaming to a halt round polyglots of fashionable festering rubbish the entire lot of miserable scabs scathed saucily at several sweet symbiots.
Amitbhat0912: “The bossy carpe crab didn’t cut the crap coming out of the cultivated cabbage entangled in the reins of the black horse with donkey ears intermingled with the scales of a poignant preacher preserved in the pickled prunes down the oak well stuffed sniffed cucumbers rotten along the dry carrots cut through the shelled scallops shredded to right amalgamation for making a ripened rotten pumpkin hat adorn the bald head of the caucasian puppy bewildering the thorny roses amidst the moonlit dark night…”
That Burnt Writer: I reckon I could completely murder a sentence creatively quite easily!
Matt Snyder: Sew I said so, and if in essence you don’t think I knowingly know because yo are a no_how know it all, than; what I mean (sic) to say is; suck it, up chum ?
Jane Swanson: Not that the end was drawing near, or the day was just beginning, but the fact that too many months had passed and finally, without hesitation, the young school girl with a backpack heavy with learning, left the safe haven of her home and neighborhood, cognizant of those who had gone before her into the quagmire of education that promised a degree of brilliance that she so desired during this time of ineptitude.
Max: I enter this sentence on behalf of the BBC. It’s a contender for the Real Worst Sentence Award:
Her husband punched the shark until it released its grip and then helped Ms Doyle to the shore.
Matt Snyder: When I went down to the uptown down upised down bar that i saw that one lady talkiing ever so muchly with her big fat mouth dripping with that exfoliated, skin by products; dropping on the floor beside her, “i don’t” know if it truly was that one down: town upside down sign that pointed me in the direct shun of the poop mobile, i love hte poop i pray to himself all the day glo gosh darn time, so if you see me in down town walking with the lady with the exfoliating skin that just she can’t keep everyone from throwing up, it’s just weird!
Monacular Spectacular: “Me, that is to say I, as in the presently speaking person… will let me introduce myself first the universally rotund detective Harold Puysoin (pronounced pooey-swan) ‘ave gathered you ‘ere in dis ‘ere parlour to…er, what was it? Terribly sorry everyone I uh lost my… MURDERER! What? Yeah it was him, funny beard, knife, inheritance case closed. What do you mean WHO am I talking to?! Isn’t it obvious!!!?
rodsimonson: Challenging a trickster to twist your inner ear around soliloquy or rambling commentary contemplating or congratulating some insignificant pseudo accomplishment might seem a worthy enterprise or sweet distraction, but traction can be a problem, since the minnow chooses the shallows over the pike weed beds.