Poetry

I left.

Instrumental by me.

Left like the waves

to death alone

they would

in velveteen legs

of the sea

be on the stillness

of father’s ankle;

a withering

of loneliness

I mourn in the tree

I fell.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Reposted for the dVerse open link night.


79 replies »

  1. Beautiful and powerful poem. The last line, coupled with the previous line of the tree reminds me of that phrase, “When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.”

    …reminding me of what I am currently writing, of a character who is finding his love to be alike a dead rose, though still keeping a rather sharp thorn on its stem. It’s like he uses pain to somehow raise what can no longer be raised, because it is the only thing that resembles what once was. The feelings… still there.

    You have good work. An interesting style, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The title, I left and the ending with I fell, tells of deep emotional pain. The leaving of one’s senses and body upon a tragedy is amplified with few line structure. Waves of mourning is deeper than this.

    Lucy, thanks for sharing this in OLN.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. This poem is a whole story of heartbreak in few words, Lucy, sandwiched between two two-word sentences ‘I left’ and ‘I fell’. I like the phrases ‘velveteen legs of the sea’ and ‘a withering of loneliness’.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes, this piece is Hemingway-sparse, no extra clutter. I always find a second poem between your lines–a tale of a father/daughter tango, perhaps an unreachable Dad, distant, stoic, and death makes an appearance, a calculated cameo, and a tree is like a relationship, or the lack of it–nature vs. nurture.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glenn, you hit the theme right on the head. Fortunately, this poem does not come from personal experience. My dad is my hero. But, I can empathize with others who have known or know that pain. Thank you so much for the comment.

      Like

  5. “I mourn in the tree, I fell.” Interesting lines that make me think of the family tree, since we see the father mentioned earlier. Trees always bring to mind such innocence and protection to me, I think that’s a good place to end here.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Lots here Lucy – in such a compressed form too – the ‘velveteen legs’ is a fantastic image – and the ‘father’s ankle’ – I imagine cold and blue (and oddly in slippers) – and the leaving and the mourning – spare and poignant – made more so by your fantastic playing. The complete lyric here.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I played your instrumental before reading your poem, but then I reread the words aloud several times with the music, varying the pace until I felt it fit the pace of the music. It definitely magnified the impact of severance I found in the poem.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s