I left.

Instrumental by me.

Left like the waves

to death alone

they would

in velveteen legs

of the sea

be on the stillness

of father’s ankle;

a withering

of loneliness

I mourn in the tree

I fell.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Reposted for the dVerse open link night.




Categories: Poetry

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

79 replies

  1. This poem is a wonderful exercise in ‘less is more’. (taking notes, 😉 Shared it here..

    https://grumpysgiftspoetry.org/2020/06/15/i-left-lucy-of-lucys-works/

    Thanks for being generous.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Wow, deep and rich.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:

    WELL-DONE!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The line structure and pace really hold things together well here!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Beautiful and powerful poem. The last line, coupled with the previous line of the tree reminds me of that phrase, “When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall.”

    …reminding me of what I am currently writing, of a character who is finding his love to be alike a dead rose, though still keeping a rather sharp thorn on its stem. It’s like he uses pain to somehow raise what can no longer be raised, because it is the only thing that resembles what once was. The feelings… still there.

    You have good work. An interesting style, too. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Deep and meaningful! Great poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Oo, love how short and long this seems at the same time, and the imagery of ‘father’s ankle’.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Wow,simple but a beautiful poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. When I want to read great poetry, I come to Lucy’s blog. 🙂 Well penned, Lucy! I love your turn of a word and fantastic imagery!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The title, I left and the ending with I fell, tells of deep emotional pain. The leaving of one’s senses and body upon a tragedy is amplified with few line structure. Waves of mourning is deeper than this.

    Lucy, thanks for sharing this in OLN.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. BEautiful and graceful at the same time.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Leaving and falling, this is so laden with sorrow, I feel like a leaf heavy with rain from your words.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This poem is a whole story of heartbreak in few words, Lucy, sandwiched between two two-word sentences ‘I left’ and ‘I fell’. I like the phrases ‘velveteen legs of the sea’ and ‘a withering of loneliness’.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I love the power in the simple words you use here. It’s pared down to the bone.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Yes, this piece is Hemingway-sparse, no extra clutter. I always find a second poem between your lines–a tale of a father/daughter tango, perhaps an unreachable Dad, distant, stoic, and death makes an appearance, a calculated cameo, and a tree is like a relationship, or the lack of it–nature vs. nurture.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Glenn, you hit the theme right on the head. Fortunately, this poem does not come from personal experience. My dad is my hero. But, I can empathize with others who have known or know that pain. Thank you so much for the comment.

      Like

  16. Evocative and powerful story in its brevity and simplicity!! Great word artistry, Lucy!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. This is incredibly poignant! For me, leaving and falling speaks of deep emotional ache. The human heart has to endure so much… sigh … 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I love the starkness of the images here, punctuated by the strength of the last line. (K)

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Not sure what the mystery is but the intensity then the letting go brings relief.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. kaykuala

    a withering of loneliness
    I mourn in the tree

    Love this Lucy! Pondering in the poignant moments of stillness often gives us all the inspiration even amidst sadness!

    Hank

    Liked by 1 person

  21. “I mourn in the tree, I fell.” Interesting lines that make me think of the family tree, since we see the father mentioned earlier. Trees always bring to mind such innocence and protection to me, I think that’s a good place to end here.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. A great poem of leaving, Lucy, So many are leaving us all alone! So very sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. simply amazing and beautiful friend thanks for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. A complete story in so few words creates beauty. The sorrow of I Left grabs at my heart. I especially was drawn to these words, “velveteen legs of the sea.”
    Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Lots here Lucy – in such a compressed form too – the ‘velveteen legs’ is a fantastic image – and the ‘father’s ankle’ – I imagine cold and blue (and oddly in slippers) – and the leaving and the mourning – spare and poignant – made more so by your fantastic playing. The complete lyric here.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. “in velveteen legs

    of the sea”

    That is such a wonderful imagery. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I played your instrumental before reading your poem, but then I reread the words aloud several times with the music, varying the pace until I felt it fit the pace of the music. It definitely magnified the impact of severance I found in the poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Mysterious. The compression hints at so many things. A poem to savour and re-read.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. This made my heart sink. The last line is as unexpected as death can be….or the loss of love. So beautifully expressed, Lucy.

    Liked by 1 person

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