what to be done.

ancestress, she is death
in Saturnidd cocoons; what to be done
in imitation, magnetized of blood lotus
cosseted in her veins;
dead fathers are hard to talk to.
Oceans writhe fox-skins of fossil, slumbers starved,
and weave nigh stone to kill the daughter first.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Original draft:

choking magnetism,
dead fathers can be hard to talk to,


as the ocean writhes
in fox-skins of fossil
and weaves, nigh the stone to kill the daughter first; me.


I must swallow dark at dark
starved slumbers,
where fishponds wed
ice water for blood.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Written for the dVerse prompt: “Polarize those poems! Pen us a poem of precisely 44 words, including some form of the word magnet.

I am really not… I can’t say happy with this poem, but I don’t feel this is complete. Might rework it later, admittedly. I was heavily inspired by Wonderful Woman by The Smiths with the line, “Ice water for blood” and therefore used it as the last line of my poem. I can probably say that the entire poem was inspired by the song. Title as well was taken from one of the lines in the song.

I think this poem encapsulates grief and how it can quite kill someone emotionally. I have been fortunate to not experience what I describe the narrator having gone through.

I hope you could enjoy this piece. Thank you for reading.




Categories: Prose

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

74 replies

  1. Oh, my. So much gorgeous word-spill here. I think this is my favorite:
    “as the ocean writhes
    in fox-skins of fossil
    and weaves”

    Your word choices are stunning, throughout.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. I really love how you started this… the start by choking and the end with ice-water for blood.
    The fox-skin of fossils is also really creative.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. I love it, though I can’t put into words what I feel! The line about dead fathers is so good.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. This is a shorter poem than your usual but the words are standing on pointe, elegant and right where they need to be! The opening lines are brilliant and invite thought.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. The emotions in this quadrille are so palpable and the wordsmithing is excellent! I especially like; “as the ocean writhes in fox-skins of fossil.”

    Liked by 3 people

  6. soul-crushing no matter which way I look at it. Dad did her wrong, whether by dying or in some other way. “I must swallow dark at dark” and “ice water for blood.”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. That simple line: dead fathers can be hard to talk to – really stands out among all the rich images. It makes it very powerful.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Wow what chilling images you portray with your choking magnetism and a dead father…
    Watch out …. death is lapping at your door as well… but only when night comes….
    Great poem Lucy!

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I agree with Sarah about the dead father’s line. It’s like the earth and its elements come alive in this person’s grief and maybe anger. Such powerful images you create!

    Liked by 5 people

  10. I like your work Lucy. There is frequently in essence of mortality which makes the poem urgent. You also dance with sadness though I would not describe it as absolute grief. There is also much brightness and joy in your work.It’s damn good writing..

    Liked by 4 people

    • Thank you, Rob, so much. And I am really pleased you see brightness and joy in my work. If I were going to describe my work, it would be as “dark poetry” but somehow, I do not translate everything into darkness… If that makes sense.

      Like

  11. Lucy, as usual I am breathless after reading your work! Like De Jackson my favorite lines are:
    “in imitation, magnetized of blood lotus
    cosseted in her veins” Absolutely spectacular use of language and you give us such vivid imagery while we figure out what actually happened. It’s always an adventure to read your work my friend ☺️💕

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Yes to the dead fathers line and HUGE yes to every other piece of this wonderful poem. Thanks

    Liked by 4 people

  13. Great title! After reading the poem it does evoke that feeling of grief that we can’t change it. There is nothing to be done but walk through it. I like this line, “Oceans writhe fox-skins of fossil,” to me that feels like the walk. It’s writhing and fossils. I enjoyed seeing the original draft here!

    Liked by 3 people

  14. I must say the original post was more dramatic for me, with the emphasis on the first person:

    kill the daughter first; me.
    I must swallow dark at dark

    Your shortened version is amazing flow of compound words: fox-skins of fossil, slumbers starved.

    Always a treat to read your poem.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. Death is always hard to deal with and losing someone is never easy. Your imagery is really very interesting and shows the confusion and pain of loss

    Stay safe.
    Thanks for dropping by to read mine

    Much❤love

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I, too, like the dead fathers line, though it implies to me that the real father was taciturn and hard to love or communicate with. Your quadrille holds together tighter than the original. Per usual, your dark vocabulary is challenging and awesome.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Something powerfully confrontational here, dead fathers, fox skins, daughter prepared for slaughter: the natural imagery makes it that much more brutal for me. Stone, sky, ocean, fossil, blood, all telling eloquently of unburied, piercing pain.

    Liked by 3 people

  18. Love both versions. Wild and fanciful. Have a thrilling season. xo

    Liked by 4 people

  19. It was very interesting to view your draft, compare and enjoy both versions. This line speaks to me “dead fathers are hard to talk to”. Grief can be like a wall of unanswered questions and this resonates deeply with me.

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Lucy, I thought both versions were wonderful. Thank you for including them and talking through the poem and the meaning behind it.

    Liked by 3 people

  21. kaykuala

    in imitation, magnetized of blood lotus
    cosseted in her veins;

    They got them out of the way by pulling matters in. They can work to its advantage as a form of better control. Good thoughts Lucy!

    Hank

    Liked by 3 people

  22. The original draft, to my mind, is the better poem. The images are clear and stark and they are linked in a familiar grammatical way. The worked-on version is harder to hold on to because they’re not. I’m a conformist, I know, but I love the way language is put together and I like to understand what things mean.

    Liked by 4 people

  23. I admire both quadrilles, Lucy, and their encapsulation of grief. I love the alliteration in the final version, especially the ‘fox-skins of fossil’ and ‘slumbers starved. I love the way you used space in the layout of the original draft, and that it begins with ‘choking magnetism’, getting down to the nitty gritty of the poem in the first two lines, and the final lines are chilling.

    Liked by 3 people

  24. Love your revision. I like the incompleteness that this feels. I guess I’m a fan of cliffhangers.

    Liked by 3 people

  25. I like both versions and saw them as finished but totally get your wanting to continue working with it. There’s a lot of rich material there.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Visceral with emotion. Grief from death….beyond description…ice in veins.

    Liked by 3 people

  27. If you let him, your dead father may speak to you. When you’ve shouted your shout of protest, curl up somewhere warm and reflect on one of the good times you shared.

    Liked by 2 people

  28. Enjoy him while you’ve got him! And that includes quiet time.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. Such an enthralling and intricate weave of words it left me mesmerised. The intensity of words penetrates deep within .

    Liked by 2 people

  30. Quantum level exploration with the images to help navigate!

    Liked by 1 person

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