what to be done.

ancestress, she is death
in Saturnidd cocoons; what to be done
in imitation, magnetized of blood lotus
cosseted in her veins;
dead fathers are hard to talk to.
Oceans writhe fox-skins of fossil, slumbers starved,
and weave nigh stone to kill the daughter first.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Original draft:

choking magnetism,
dead fathers can be hard to talk to,


as the ocean writhes
in fox-skins of fossil
and weaves, nigh the stone to kill the daughter first; me.


I must swallow dark at dark
starved slumbers,
where fishponds wed
ice water for blood.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.


Written for the dVerse prompt: “Polarize those poems! Pen us a poem of precisely 44 words, including some form of the word magnet.

I am really not… I can’t say happy with this poem, but I don’t feel this is complete. Might rework it later, admittedly. I was heavily inspired by Wonderful Woman by The Smiths with the line, “Ice water for blood” and therefore used it as the last line of my poem. I can probably say that the entire poem was inspired by the song. Title as well was taken from one of the lines in the song.

I think this poem encapsulates grief and how it can quite kill someone emotionally. I have been fortunate to not experience what I describe the narrator having gone through.

I hope you could enjoy this piece. Thank you for reading.


74 thoughts on “what to be done.

  1. The emotions in this quadrille are so palpable and the wordsmithing is excellent! I especially like; “as the ocean writhes in fox-skins of fossil.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I like your work Lucy. There is frequently in essence of mortality which makes the poem urgent. You also dance with sadness though I would not describe it as absolute grief. There is also much brightness and joy in your work.It’s damn good writing..

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you, Rob, so much. And I am really pleased you see brightness and joy in my work. If I were going to describe my work, it would be as “dark poetry” but somehow, I do not translate everything into darkness… If that makes sense.

      Like

  3. Lucy, as usual I am breathless after reading your work! Like De Jackson my favorite lines are:
    “in imitation, magnetized of blood lotus
    cosseted in her veins” Absolutely spectacular use of language and you give us such vivid imagery while we figure out what actually happened. It’s always an adventure to read your work my friend ☺️💕

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Great title! After reading the poem it does evoke that feeling of grief that we can’t change it. There is nothing to be done but walk through it. I like this line, “Oceans writhe fox-skins of fossil,” to me that feels like the walk. It’s writhing and fossils. I enjoyed seeing the original draft here!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I must say the original post was more dramatic for me, with the emphasis on the first person:

    kill the daughter first; me.
    I must swallow dark at dark

    Your shortened version is amazing flow of compound words: fox-skins of fossil, slumbers starved.

    Always a treat to read your poem.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Death is always hard to deal with and losing someone is never easy. Your imagery is really very interesting and shows the confusion and pain of loss

    Stay safe.
    Thanks for dropping by to read mine

    Much❤love

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I, too, like the dead fathers line, though it implies to me that the real father was taciturn and hard to love or communicate with. Your quadrille holds together tighter than the original. Per usual, your dark vocabulary is challenging and awesome.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Something powerfully confrontational here, dead fathers, fox skins, daughter prepared for slaughter: the natural imagery makes it that much more brutal for me. Stone, sky, ocean, fossil, blood, all telling eloquently of unburied, piercing pain.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. It was very interesting to view your draft, compare and enjoy both versions. This line speaks to me “dead fathers are hard to talk to”. Grief can be like a wall of unanswered questions and this resonates deeply with me.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. kaykuala

    in imitation, magnetized of blood lotus
    cosseted in her veins;

    They got them out of the way by pulling matters in. They can work to its advantage as a form of better control. Good thoughts Lucy!

    Hank

    Liked by 3 people

  11. The original draft, to my mind, is the better poem. The images are clear and stark and they are linked in a familiar grammatical way. The worked-on version is harder to hold on to because they’re not. I’m a conformist, I know, but I love the way language is put together and I like to understand what things mean.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. I admire both quadrilles, Lucy, and their encapsulation of grief. I love the alliteration in the final version, especially the ‘fox-skins of fossil’ and ‘slumbers starved. I love the way you used space in the layout of the original draft, and that it begins with ‘choking magnetism’, getting down to the nitty gritty of the poem in the first two lines, and the final lines are chilling.

    Liked by 3 people

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