Rain is roses (Draft).

Pull back
don’t forget what you are.
Rain is only roses
until it dies in my eyes;
it’s a skin and bone of my foot
over the edge
it’s a poison with your flowers;
Pull back,
that landscape flows through
each stasis, dead hands
forgive the body
in its lune

the red dress
in death
over a body
my body
as it glistens under
the moon; black under my eyes,
in the wildwood
earth that somewhat dies.

© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Written 6/12/2021 in response to utahan15.



Categories: Prose

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

24 replies

  1. Whoa. Such a potent creation. Raw yet delicate. Deeply felt. Amazing you…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I don’t think it needs a redraft!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Shadows darken your vision this day. Very evocative.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. Yeah, why did you label this a “draft”. The only thing I’d suggest changing is taking out those semicolons, maybe reconsider using punctuation at all and this one is done done.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for the feedback and suggestions. I consider this a draft as I feel it’s incomplete. I feel like there could be more fleshed out and told in this poem with ideas I didn’t have in mind at the time when I wrote it.

      I’m going to add the changes you suggested too. The punctuation does disrupt the flow.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Very beautiful, Lucy. Such imagery on those words.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. This has a fantasy feel too it. I see a dark castle with dark magic a work.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. A little less esoteric than your usual works. More visceral, more bodied. The grounded premises and language do nothing to take away from your usual free-flowing poetics, of course – I see your hand at work in your languid descriptions, and the fact that you can continue that methodology without relying on your usual dreamscapes speaks considerably for your skill.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Oh wow, Masa, I thank you greatly for your response and feedback. I’m still taking it all in, and it’s wonderful to hear that despite my style changes, I am able to keep up on my methods. I’m always changing my style, and so far, I’m liking where it’s heading this time around.

      Thank you so, so much. ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Nice

    Liked by 1 person

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