Alive (to drown).

Original draft.

Shudder, these leaves scuffle
in the admission of winter
in the yellowing stillness
that faces you, bleeding mindlessness;
You are a fool, you are death,
where eyes decipher
the plea in the thorns
of a mother’s tree,
and the godhood in the horizon,
that wept in smothered dark,
alone in Elysium
labor in the embrace
the tumult of colors in the sky
illuming disarray at the end,
alive to drown.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Revised version.

Shudder, these leaves scuffle
the admission of winter
in the yellowing stillness
that faces you, bleeding mindlessness;
You are a fool, you are death,
where eyes decipher
and wept in the dark
alone in Elysium
labor in the embrace,
illuming disarray at the end,
alive to drown.

© 2020 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Reposted 7/14/2021.



Categories: Poetry

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

46 replies

  1. A beautifully sad eulogy of the god-man drowning in his discontent. At the same time, there is a kind of heroic striving in this. Death has pathos only because of the struggle to live, even if that struggle ultimately is futile and mindless. The same water that drowns also nourishes the imagination. The imagination may be delusion, but even that is something when confronted with the sheer loneliness of Elysium. You have done a great job with expressing the torment here in naturalistic and temporal terms which heightens the drama onto a cosmological stage.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Nice poem… I should do poetry more often…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I like the 2 lines you changed in your revised piece Lucy….

    Liked by 1 person

  4. so beautifl Lucy! I really loved it! ❤

    Like

  5. love the wordplay in this esp ‘the plea in the thorns of a mother’s tree’

    Liked by 2 people

  6. What a change removing “tumult of colour” … Because it brings to mind a cheerier image. Thank you letting us see both versions.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. An absolutely gorgeous exploration of the paradox of life. Love it, Lucy.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Very well written, Lucy.
    The description of flash moments, excellent work.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Yes .. the omission of a few lines and altering few words definitely tempered your poem with more snap and smack …

    Liked by 1 person

  10. A wonderful poem Lucy, love the dark themes and the language you use.👏

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Beautifully written! I loved the wordplay, lovely work ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Very stark & vivid imagery here! Beautifully written.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Guess who is finally exploring Lucy’s blog hehe. I love this!! It’s haunting and eerie but beautiful at the same time, amazing piece(s)!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. The revised version is tighter and more impactful and the opening line is so evocative. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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