resuscitate.

TW/CW: Thoughts of suicide.

resuscitate loneliness, she
stares at [the] revolver, blankly;
swirled in roots, father, absently 
in memory, in memory.

Maddening, trampled by ancient blood;
family tree into a flood
when sought for nothing from above
I had their love, I had their love.

© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Written for the 7/29/2021 dVerse MTB prompt:  To write a poem in monotetra form. You choose your theme, following the stanza structure as described. 

I just want to say honestly that this is not a personal story above (it’s not from my life, it’s something I created in my head), but I have struggled with similar thoughts in the past. I was particularly inspired by Erbiage’s Moses poem. Whatever I said of one of my previous poems being the darkest I ever wrote, I think this one takes the cake as it’s one of the first times I reference directly to suicide.

I like to think the ending is happy here as the narrator realizes that they are loved. But, in other cases, sometimes love is not enough to keep going.

If you struggle with suicidal thoughts and feel close to the edge, please reach out. There are people who want you to be around, there are resources to help you.

Here are some links/resources:

800-273-8255 (Suicide hotline number)

Crisis Text Line (741-741)

NAMI


SAMHSA


Teen Line For any of my younger readers between 13 to 18. Teen Line is where you can speak or text with a fellow teenager. The idea here is that teenagers better resonate with other teenagers and open up. They also have some good resources for mental health and the appropriate lines to call or contact. Teen Line runs on Pacific Time, text lines and call lines open at 6pm PST and close at 9 and 10pm PST respectively.

The Trevor Project helps with LGBTQ youth under 25 years of age that may be struggling with their sexuality or identity.




Categories: Poetry, Prose

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

90 replies

  1. Visceral for me – very powerful, Lucy.

    -David

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Such a dark place to be – opening lines are gripping Lucy. For me, the ending refrain of: I had their love, I had their love, hints of a bad ending. Thanks for joining us.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thank you so much, Grace, for your kind words and for today’s prompt. I think the ending is left up to the interpreter, and I can see how it would be negative as well.

      Like

  3. After taking a moments pause,
    I can gather, more than moved.

    Powerful.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. This is gorgeously woven, Lucy! 💝💝

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Mmmm food for thought; but in a good way. ‘Father, absently, in memory, in memory.’ A few words but depths of meaning.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Like a dark curtain drawn. Quite splendid.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. An excellent poem written to the prompt and the form….but mostly I appreciate the note you’ve written afterwards….especially giving ways that people can reach out for help. Thank you, Lucy.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I just now realized I could comment on this blog. Shows how green I still am at this.

    Very dark, but as you say, realizing that you’re loved. For that latter reason I don’t think it’s as dark as some of your other things. Because at this moment I’m thinking that living without love can be a wordless chaos…until it explodes. At least that’s my take.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. This is gut wrenchingly powerful. I too saw the ending as falling deeper into despair.

    As one of those who has suffered such thoughts and feelings, I’m glad you put them in words and also gave encouraging words for those that need help.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Wow Lucy this is visceral. Totally agree with Lillian about the resources! I do see a despair in the ending, like the unwritten last line something like “but that didn’t matter (or, didn’t help)”. But that can only happen with a very limited idea of Love. Very thought provoking. And Thank you for the note.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Ooh, I love how you see this piece. Thank you so much for the kind thoughts and feedback.

      I was really inspired by your poem, I kept thinking about it a few days ago and how it stuck with me.

      Like

  11. Very powerful, Lucy. Sharp and, as David said, visceral. It’s a good word that I often forget until i see other people use it. Dark yes, but from the heart… even if from the head.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. You’ve twisted this form into something deep and full of meaning-I love what you’ve done with it!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. This is so gut wrenching and powerful. Your words pack so much depth and emotion. I like that you’re referring directly to suicide here and the way you ended it gives me a sense of relief. Really thought provoking and a strong message to people who’re going through a lot. Great work Lucy, loved it ❤❤

    Liked by 2 people

  14. It is the beauty of poetry that we can express what we want. I liked it.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. A potent dark write which raise suicide awareness. Done with dignity. (Imao)
    🙏

    Liked by 2 people

  16. The opening lines punch the gut, Lucy. I also see a sort of regret in the last line. I love how your poems make me think. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Like a scene from a dark anime. Lovely imagery and honouring of the form, Lucy ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  18. You and Rob K. wrote about suicide. I’m impressed by how you manipulated the form, and still wrote it from your unique perspective. Your after note is wonderful, showing your compassion and concern.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Such chilling feel to this. Looks like you and I both felt a dark touch with the monatetra. Your final lines felt so resolute and ‘Final’ to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. When I hear thoughts swirling around a revolver, I know the emotions must be swirling as well.

    General question, Lucy: I can’t help but notice that your father is in so many of your poems. Is this your literal father or does father symbolize something else for you?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Lisa.

      I’ve gotten this question one other time and it intrigues me because no one really asks me this (as yes, I include it in a lot of my poetry). I’m surprised more people haven’t asked the same, tbh, because of the frequency I use it. I do not think of my dad with my poetry, I use it as some type of symbolism to accentuate a feeling that can be worsened or better by the presence of others. When writing poetry, it’s like a story to me and I like to explore different topics of love and how far that goes—what breaks the narrator, who do they turn back to or blame?

      I also like to think that father could be more religious, though ironically I am not. The connotation in this instance holds power or really, just the thought of cursing at god for what we’ve been given.

      Thank you again for your thoughts and feedback! ❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  21. I sense some ambivalence here. But then don’t all relationships contain mixed feelings? (K)

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Strong piece Lucy, really gripped me while reading it. Dark, but a bit of light in the closing. I had my dance with suicide twice. Once as a pretty troubled teen, and again in 1995, when my 18-year-old son Aaron was tragically killed in a horrible head on collision. Over the years of my life, three good friends, to my stunned surprise two of the times, took that lonely step. The third individual I realized in hindsight, had been clearly asking for help — but I wasn’t smart enough to hear him clearly. When Aaron was killed, I had enough love in my life, with my wife and two surviving children, that I put down the Baretta, and never again picked it up — in fact, it went deep into the Pacific Ocean. When one arrives at that moment of ultimate despair and loneliness, not all are so fortunate to have love to save them, as I did both times. It is wonderful that you have posted all that info on your site, to help and encourage someone who feels backed against the emotional wall. Bravo Lucy! 👍🙂❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Rob, you are so strong and I am glad you’re still with us. I am so sorry for your losses too. ❤ ❤ I have been lucky enough to have support when I was at my lowest point, but even with love, it can be hard to see it clearly. Not many can pick up the signs of someone planning or thinking suicide, it’s very subtle. In fact, my best friend figured out something was wrong even as I said I was okay. She just knew something was off with me, but no one else did. That’s how undetected it can go.

      With much love in my life, I’m living for myself and for them, so I can see what you mean about never looking back on that dark route. I’m proud of you for taking courage in that step.

      Thank you so much for your thoughts and feedback, as well for sharing such a personal story.

      Like

  23. a dark but ever so realistic one Lucy … appreciate you adding the help info for those who have such issues!

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Rawness like an open wound that wants to close, yet does not know how…powerful dear Lucy. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  25. felt the emotions. well done!

    Liked by 1 person

  26. It’s really fantastic and inspiring

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Keep writing! Your words and cadence are intimate, personal, haunting, and heart-breaking.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Reading everyone’s wonderful responses to this prompt make me annoyed at myself for not attempting it.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. So cold, dark, and beautiful. I love the ending. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  30. It’s powerful with the dark imagery that has been profoundly used. While reading these lines one can feel the chill in their bones.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. wow! that’s one powerful poem, with its haunting image; a difficult topic but one that is unfortunately common: I dread to think how many suicides can be attributed to these long, repetitive, inhuman lockdowns: they are so medieval —

    Like

    • Thank you so very much. I share similar thoughts about lockdowns (even when they can be necessary) as just like with the Great Depression, people can turn to suicide if they are unable to work or make a living. Not even that, but I’d imagine mental health issues would worsen from the isolation alone. It’s really saddening.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. As always, incredible work. I can literally feel it.
    As I see it, suicidal thoughts often sprout from the thoughts of failure or when people around always remind you about your failures even though you don’t feel such things.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aww, thank you Smita. I definitely agree to an extent. Fear of failure or being told about your failures constantly can push someone closer to the edge.

      It’s heartbreaking to me that suicide rates have only increased throughout the years. I think stigma is also a large issue; less people will be open about it causing them to repress these feelings and thoughts until they have the potential to explode.

      Like

      • It’s always a pleasure to exchange words with you. Thank you so much, Lucy.
        Uh huh, you have a point there. Stigmas make things worse. I would add here that one of the major reasons why people don’t come forward and speak their truth is, fears and security. Sometimes it’s not safe for them to express themselves. And it does aggravate the situation but that’s the only way to bring the change they desire. Addressing their issues and working up a solution.

        Liked by 1 person

      • As with you, Smita! It’s a wonderful pleasure to converse. ❤️

        That is a very great point. People can’t always open up about their mental health because of safety and repression issues in different societies. It’s a cycle in a way like that—the need to address changes they need, not feeling safe to open up about it, and then their mental health is worsening until they can’t take it anymore. It’s truly heartbreaking and I wish there was more awareness of this around the world. It is needed because like you said, addressing the issue and finding a solution is what helps bring change.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Likewise! It’s always been a pleasure to have a word with you. ❤❤
        Yes, unfortunately, that’s what it is. We have the right to prattle about how someone looks, how someone smiles, how someone talks or maybe it’s a habit or an addiction yet we are not allowed to let out anything against oppression and derogation and all the nonsense foisted on us, which is part of our challenge. If you’re not able to speak your truth what makes you talk about anyone else’s? Are you accountable for others’ feelings and sharing on their behalf? We know this endless bullshit. The devil finds work for idle hands. The weight of false idealism used to put on a show is so heavy that we can not live in a natural and normal way. I believe that it’s my own life, where I can put some work and do what I can.

        Liked by 1 person

  33. “I had their love. I had their love…”

    A tragic mantra 🥺

    Liked by 1 person

Trackbacks

  1. resuscitate. – The Urban Fishing Pole: Cigar Blogger, Lifestyle
  2. resuscitate. – MAd Production. Company.

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