Leave a note (first).

How intoxicating; my heart in the oubliette 
taking root, brooding (such killing
of art),
would I murder my mockingbird
like Bukowski’s own blue-bird,
in his breast? At the death of note,
maybe I’ll be gone—I don’t want to lose this time
you first.

© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Written for the 08/23/2021 dVerse quadrille prompt: Heart.



Categories: Poetry

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

60 replies

  1. Oh, I LOVE that “you first” dare at the end, especially. And heart as not only bird but mockingbird is just so beautiful, and true.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The heart does mock and I love the last lines. The title goes perfectly with this short, quirky read!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. A Russian Roulette perhaps

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Yes… you first! I am not ready to go!!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Lucy,
    I like the persona’s wit. A game of dare, a game of love: what’s the difference? It’s all torture. But someone’s got to take that first leap of faith.
    pax,
    dora

    Liked by 4 people

  6. would I murder my mockingbird
    like Bukowski’s own blue-bird,

    No way it should happen. It is a matter of giving way and getting along in life. Great lines Lucy!

    Hank

    Liked by 3 people

  7. :At the death of note,
    maybe I’ll be gone

    oohoo. the murder line is powerful so as the above lines.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. You first in the matters of heart; commitment phobia! Love the line “—I don’t want to lose this time”…so poignant. And that nod to Bukowski. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

  9. ‘my heart in the oubliette
    taking root’ – I love the echo of these lines, and the whole quadrille is truly intoxicating Lucy!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. The speaker is being cautious, maybe due to past experiences

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I was wondering what Lucy-dark heart tale you’d write, and “my heart in the oubliette
    taking root,” is definitely dark but such a wild, vivid image.
    But you lightened it with the “you first” at the end–which is perfect!

    (But never kill a mockingbird.) 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Lucy, I wonder how many words I would have to limit you to for your poems to not leave me feeling humbled.


    David

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Stunning how much you pack into 44 words here– “my heart in the oubliette,” evoking Bukowski gives it incredible depth, and then the dare at the end

    Liked by 2 people

  14. WOW, Ms. Lucy! First word thru last of 44, I was hooked.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. Ooh, I love the oubliette heart. Great quadrille, Lucy.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Excellent. But a mocker? Oh my! You win, Lucy.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I love the caution of the last line Lucy. Yes, ducks in a row, just in case and then … ❤️😳 Brilliant!

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Wow! “You first” is a pretty amazing way to end a poem 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  19. You first… what an amazing end (or maybe in reality the next beginning), amazing write

    Liked by 2 people

  20. oooh….. this is as dark and beautiful as a blood diamond. i looked up oubliette – such a pretty word – i was surprised at the meaning. a truly haunting piece.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. My goodness! 💝 This is absolutely stunning, Lucy! You had me at “would I murder my mockingbird like Bukowski’s own blue-bird, in his breast?” Love it! 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  22. A most excellent bit of freeverse, your internal rhymes were off the charts, and of course, you manage to produce a beautiful piece without cutting any corners to your craft. As always, delicious work.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. “at the death of the note,
    maybe I’ll be gone- i dont want to lose this time
    you first”

    can someone explain me these lines?

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Ofcourse time is important so as to enjoy every moment.

    Liked by 2 people

  25. Gotta love that ending! I like your reference to Bukowski’s blue bird.

    Liked by 2 people

Trackbacks

  1. Leave a note (first). – correct vibestv
  2. Leave a note (first). – MAD Production. Company.

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