Lamplight falls.

Where my roots are, blood and home,
 a black cat sniffs my arms; for some fool, how puzzling,
dreaming someone else’s dreams, I left to pursue my education;
	I come home, not ashamed to shower at midnight,
my eyes closed, the market economy is boring me to tears,
to death—please kill me
please kill me—please kill me, cat. Disencumber the dead roses,
and I held a prayer. My ghost-skin in the mirror lurches
through a mask and summer clothes;
onto the limb of a nightmare
I become existential and depressed; everything is nothing.

After I was born, my dad called me “Lucifer.”
I’d like to think it was my namesake,
my mother hated it and would not have given me my name
if he had the wit earlier. Pity—because I embraced it,
because it was mine. I often think about it now
where, laughing, I was not afraid,
I was afraid of everything else. I had the same hope Sylvia Plath
did, at one point, in her journal—she didn’t want to die.

I never did want to die,
I just want to get rid of my identity
carry my bones into incomplete sheets,
as I writhe in body-ache. I try to sleep,
my cat cries for me to open the door,
let him in,
and lie down by me; where there’s silence,
perhaps a red vase by the window,
perhaps a quick steal of a girl’s nickel
by the subway, my cat sleeps with me.

© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Written for the dVerse 8/24/2021 prompt.



Categories: Poetry, Prose

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

55 replies

  1. Magic, pure magic. You are a master of pairs of opposites, and your command of language is exquisite. I love this poem, Lucy. 💙

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I felt the pain of mental torture all the way through this Lucy. Thank goodness for cats! When me PMDD is bad and I visit ‘the dark side’ he’s always there for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Lifesavers, those cats. A girl’s bestie.Thanks for sharing your lovely words.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The words speak to me, they caress my skin, as my cat purrs in sympathetic envy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I really like your use of words in this, it’s both tortured and soothing … incredible to evoke both reactions!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. This poem is stunning, Lucy. Some gorgeous turns of phrase – I can’t even pick them out as I love the whole thing, really. And amidst all the body ache of being, I love the comfort of your cat throughout as your familiar. The comfort of showering at midnight, all the soothing little moments of self-care scattered throughout the poem ❤️

    Though, forgive me, I couldn’t work out the acrostic message in it. Maybe it’s coded too well for me to decipher. It doesn’t matter because I LOVE it ❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I love the journey you take, the journey you offer readers … intoxicating.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. “Disencumber” what a great word.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I like the reference to “Lucifer”!
    “I never did want to die, I just want to get rid of my identity” Now haven’t we all felt that at sometime!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. With your cat and the mention of Lucifer my mind with to “the Master and Margarita”… excellent writign

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Another masterful poem, Lucy, but no acrostics in sight. No matter, perhaps you are too clever for me, and the acrostic message is coded, or buried deep in prose and darkness. I think you are outside the box with this one, but you still stun and amaze with your poetics; smile.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so very much, Glenn! As per the prompt, it gave two options–one of which is about facing a puzzle. I went that route, explaining a puzzle in my head using memories. 🙂

      Like

  12. Lovely reflection Lucy with the namesake of Lucifer standing out for me. The cat balanced out the darkness of the thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Pity—because I embraced it,
    because it was mine. I often think about it now
    where, laughing, I was not afraid,
    I was afraid of everything else

    Love the exhaustive write, Lucy! Very engaging! Of course, accepting and adopting our name is the best thing that can happen. It is the best-sounding word one is blessed with!

    Hank

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I have been having struggles with memory and anger lately Lucy. This was so deep with imagery that I fractured in the reading, and could only pick up this piece in pieces — each brilliant, but they became a splendid puzzle that I could not reassemble. So I just ran them through my fingers, and stared in awe — mad at the world… but marveling.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Love the powerful images – ‘My ghost-skin in the mirror lurches
    through a mask and summer clothes;
    onto the limb of a nightmare…’ What a fantastic read!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Coming to terms with our identity sometimes requires killing parts of ourselves…this is deep and dark but I sense a personal strength as well, Lucy!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. “My ghost-skin in the mirror lurches through a mask and summer clothes,”.. deliciously woven! This poem is a masterpiece!! 💝💝💝💝 Just wowwww!!!

    Like

  18. I definitely got that you were working out a puzzle in your head rather than doing the acrostic and that is right on point with the prompt! Your writing always takes me on a journey, Lucy. I was especially interested in the connection with Lucy and Lucifer. A very interesting reference to Sylvia Plath.

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Super haunting! I love how the description of the cat’s movements seems to tie the lines together.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Nice blog and your name is nice. A person should be judged by their quality not by their name.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. Beautiful poem.Amazing expression.

    Liked by 1 person

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  1. Lamplight falls. – MAD Production. Company.

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