as rain ends.

Ostinato
from warship snake to blood
forget me more, the fuschia
is naked mistaken 
for life; I could never understand abandonment
but I drift in psych lectures

from the moment her words form
it’s not perverse, it’s not solitude
there is only loneliness when I know
I left my subconscious to nightmares,
a blood-tree to fall on 
my pet virus, mad before in winter;

languidly,
I wrought with sweat, slowing my heartbeat
neurochemical duress, the labor of my body
aglows, destitution in mental illness; a fragmented 
waste of sperm, I am,
and flowers in a name of mine
had always been brought in summer
as memories mock me, never letting me forget

I can’t rearrange it, and I’ve lost even more
glimpses of it; I blacked out once, and woke up
ready to smash my bathroom mirror. If my alter ego dies,
I’ll gladly send it to sea;
phantasmagoria
I was quiet in a moment, if she dies, I’ll feel nothing;
Gooseflesh stirs upon my sheets,
bones restless from patriarch disease
rubbing alcohol numbs my wounds,
sheltered, like snow-white skin, I’ll sleep
as the rain ends.

© 2021 lucysworks.com All Rights Reserved.

Written for the 08/31/2021 dVerse prompt: Oral poetry.



Categories: Poetry, Prose

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

49 replies

  1. I always enjoy reading your work, Lucy ❤ This is very dream sequence-esque and reminded me of that scene in Donnie Darko when he’s doubting his own vision as he looks in the mirror.

    I enjoyed the line: “bones restless from patriarch disease” – it reminded me of the Handmaid’s Tale and the agitation the handmaids feel at their predicament. Excuse the film references! I seem to only think that way sometimes!

    Hope you are well ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    • I do not mind the film references, I actually enjoy them very much and it gives me a broader perspective in how others view my work and even insight to theatre of all kinds (including films). I find it fascinating!

      Thank you so very much. I am doing well, just mainly tired these days. I hope all is well on your end too. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It seems like a nightmare, but this line stood out to me, and kind of made me laugh (the way you do in the midst of something horrible). 😀
    “If my alter ego dies,
    I’ll gladly send it to sea;”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hahaha, you make me feel like Morrissey when you say that—some of his lyrics are so brutally honest and absurd, I’ve laughed when listening to The Smiths discography.

      I always love reading your thoughts especially with how you interpreted this piece. It’s a nightmare through and through, and I’ve been touching that existential nerve in my chest that makes me question everything. I think I reflect that a little, but I am glad you enjoyed those lines in particular. They were meant to serve as something… confessional but also dark in humor. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. a blood tree
    falling on my pet virus
    my favourite line from another great poem by you

    Liked by 3 people

    • Aww, thank you. Pet virus—I stole that from “Milk it” by Nirvana. But, I’ve seen it thrown around here and there, especially with mental illness in poetry and the like. It’s an interesting branch of imagery in those two words.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is deliciously dark! I especially like; “I left my subconscious to nightmares, a blood-tree to fall on my pet virus, mad before in winter.” Sigh .. epic rhythm and flow here .. kudos, Lucy! 💝💝

    Liked by 3 people

  5. The neurochemical duress is strong in this one! I’m hoping this is all a necessary cleansing, like the dark night of the soul, as the rain ends and we have the promise of sleep! 👏👏

    Liked by 4 people

  6. This makes feel happy reading this..thanks Lucy.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Another intense and introspective piece. As you battle with you self throughout you finally come to this line….
    If my alter ego dies,
    I’ll gladly send it to sea;

    And then interestingly think how boring your life would be without it!
    Well done Lucy.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. From the stunning opening lines, such lush lyricism, Lucy, so utterly captivating! ❤️
    pax,
    dora

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Wow. It’s so fleshy and naked. So sensual you want to touch them, 😅. ✌️

    Liked by 3 people

  10. How heartbreaking the lines ‘a fragmented/ waste of sperm, I am.’ Self-hatred often has a big role to play in mental illness; I think the two go hand in hand, but it’s always unwarranted, and that is the great tragedy. A tragedy you delve into and pick apart so adeptly here Lucy! ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  11. So fricken potent, poignant and powerful. Your poems are like a window into a wounded heart – mind – soul. I gravitate like to the honesty of suffering in this, shards of a dropped glass, on the kitchen floor, to bare feet. I read it twice – I think it gave me “neurochemical duress”.

    Always a journey, being here, amongst your words. ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  12. There’s a real texture to this piece.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Ostinato …. the rain may never end. Well done.

    Liked by 3 people

  14. I feel the dark depression in your lines, but maybe a glimmer of something in the end with the end of rain.

    Wonderful writing as wonderful

    Liked by 3 people

  15. You always create the most fantastical imaginations of the mind, running, moving, shaping, creating, living, loving, dying…a stunning piece, Lucy. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  16. love your dark creations, so many great lines in here, great sounds and lots of passion, i would have loved to hear this one recorded. very well done

    Liked by 5 people

  17. I wrought with sweat, slowing my heartbeat
    neurochemical duress, the labor of my body
    aglows, destitution in mental illness; a fragmented
    waste of sperm, I am,

    😔 Lucy 😔

    Liked by 4 people

  18. Wow! Just amazing Lucy. These lines were so powerful
    ‘a fragmented
    waste of sperm, I am,
    and flowers in a name of mine
    had always been brought in summer
    as memories mock me, never letting me forget’

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Oh good! I’m glad to share my thoughts with you. I hope you replenish your energies soon. I am well, dear Lucy ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

  20. Reblogged this on johncoyote and commented:

    Amazing words and thoughts shared.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Hello dear Lucy. I liked the strength of these words. You took the reader in and you held them. A outstanding poem.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. This is very creative art. 🤭 I wish 2 see more of this💖

    Like

  23. I really don’t read you enough. But when I do, I want more.💜

    Like

Trackbacks

  1. as rain ends. – MAD Production. Company.

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